I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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