Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
