can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
