I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
