why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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