VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
