So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
