Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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