I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
