You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
