bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
