At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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