I look better un-naked...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
