This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
