I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
