Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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