I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And then my night got REAL pukey
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