Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
