the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
