is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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