five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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