My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
