After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
