I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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