i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
