Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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