I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
