I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Shame - the story of my life.
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