Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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