When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
