i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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