You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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