My Higher Power is John Stamos
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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