Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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