I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
