i just wanna soil my oats bro
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
