DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
