When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
