nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
