I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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