All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
