just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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