I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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