At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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