I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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