Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
