I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
