u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
