she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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