Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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