At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
