I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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