remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
