Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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