If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
