Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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