i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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