im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
