you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
