Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
