Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
there is puke in my bra ... again
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
