Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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