just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm passing your future prison.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize