You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
