Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
