i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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