It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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