her vagine was all disorganized.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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