I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I could make wine with my vomit
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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