Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This baby is an asshole
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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