the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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