I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You're a waste of cheezeits
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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