Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
