yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
