and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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