she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
